This year as part of my Lenten promises I have been volunteering with the program 40 days for Life. Today was our (Maryjayne, my Dad, and my) first vigil assignment. Everyday we have been praying at home for the end to abortion, but today was our first public proclamation. The planned parenthood we are praying in front of (just praying not shouting, blocking, protesting, etc.) is not open on Fridays, so it was eerily quiet looking at it from the sidewalk. Dad and I prayed the rosary and various other prayers and lit candles for the intention of the babies, women, and families who are harmed, affected, or killed by abortion. It was surreal, us 3 standing alone in front of the clinic praying while rush hour traffic hurried by. The entire time I squeezed and kissed my daughter as I thought about how many "doctors" told me because of my seizures and the medication I had to take for having MRSA that I should have an abortion. That was never an option for me, but to other women I can see how easily the medical community can manipulate you into thinking that it is what is "best"...
Today we got a letter from Maryjayne's Daddy and he is doing well and misses us as much as we miss him. I pray that God watches over him and keeps him strong and protected. I also pray that Maryjayne has few memories of this time without her Daddy.
Well I am off to bed as we have a big "project" tomorrow; turning 40lbs of apples into canned applesauce. Organic apples were on sale at Sprouts for $.49 a lb, so I bought a case and got a bulk discount on top of that already dirt cheap price...
So wish my Mom, MJ and I luck as we find out that "Rain really does NOT make applesauce" :) The Bee women do! (I think of us as the Bee's since my daughters last name begins with a B like my mom and mine does)
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Special Message from Daddy
Before Daddy went to court we recorded him reading some stories for you Maryjayne...
Here is him reading you "Night Night Baby" (he is saying it in Spanish, he hopes that she will be bilingual like him!)
Here is him reading you "Night Night Baby" (he is saying it in Spanish, he hopes that she will be bilingual like him!)
Breastfighting, I mean feeding...
Yesterday we went to Dr. Vargas (Maryjayne's pediatrician). I was concerned because after 3 months she still has not figured out to do when presented with my breast. I mean come on girl, its not coming on a silver platter!
Our breastfeeding goes like this:
Maryjayne begins sucking on my tee-shirt,
I present her with the opportunity to eat from me,
she looks at me, looks at my breast,
screams hysterically,
I calm her down,
repeat presentation,
repeat hysterics,
I find a grandparent to hold her,
hook up to my pump,
pump 30 minutes,
dump into bottle careful not to spill (imagine doing this sleep deprived at 3 in the am),
then she eats from the bottle.
To say this is getting tiring is an understatement. At times my dedication to breast milk is tested... Especially at 3 in the morning!
You may be wondering if yall wanted to breastfeed WHY didn't you get help in the hospital. Well, the hospital was not that into breastfeeding, I had to bring in an outside advocate to even be allowed to breastfeed. I caught nurses giving Similac when my pumped milk was in the fridge. I was told that for me to want her to breastfeed so badly was "selfish". I NOW know all this not to be true and repeatedly my supporters kept telling me that I WAS in fact fighting the good fight and fighting for my daughter. But it has been an exhausting journey, to then have my daughter "reject me". I know she needs to learn to eat from them and that my breast provide food and comfort not just terror and stress. That is why I finally turned to her doctor. (Side note this was not her doctor in the hospital Dr. Vargas does not work with Arrowhead and I don't blame him!) Dr. Vargas believes Maryjaynes GERD is worse when she receives the little bit of formula she does get (my milk production is stalling with no human latch on and only pumping). And is suppose to be sending us to a lactation "specialist". Wish us luck! BY the way she is weighing in at 9lbs 2 oz and is 21 inches tall.
Yesterday was ALSO Ash Wednesday and MJ got her first ashes! It was very special and fun to share this with my daughter... now if only I could get her to give up the bottle for LENT!
Today PopPops nap happend to be at the same time as MJ's today so she got some co-sleeping cuddle time with him... (with Granmama hovering near bye while Mommy got some work done)
Our breastfeeding goes like this:
Maryjayne begins sucking on my tee-shirt,
I present her with the opportunity to eat from me,
she looks at me, looks at my breast,
screams hysterically,
I calm her down,
repeat presentation,
repeat hysterics,
I find a grandparent to hold her,
hook up to my pump,
pump 30 minutes,
dump into bottle careful not to spill (imagine doing this sleep deprived at 3 in the am),
then she eats from the bottle.
To say this is getting tiring is an understatement. At times my dedication to breast milk is tested... Especially at 3 in the morning!
You may be wondering if yall wanted to breastfeed WHY didn't you get help in the hospital. Well, the hospital was not that into breastfeeding, I had to bring in an outside advocate to even be allowed to breastfeed. I caught nurses giving Similac when my pumped milk was in the fridge. I was told that for me to want her to breastfeed so badly was "selfish". I NOW know all this not to be true and repeatedly my supporters kept telling me that I WAS in fact fighting the good fight and fighting for my daughter. But it has been an exhausting journey, to then have my daughter "reject me". I know she needs to learn to eat from them and that my breast provide food and comfort not just terror and stress. That is why I finally turned to her doctor. (Side note this was not her doctor in the hospital Dr. Vargas does not work with Arrowhead and I don't blame him!) Dr. Vargas believes Maryjaynes GERD is worse when she receives the little bit of formula she does get (my milk production is stalling with no human latch on and only pumping). And is suppose to be sending us to a lactation "specialist". Wish us luck! BY the way she is weighing in at 9lbs 2 oz and is 21 inches tall.
Yesterday was ALSO Ash Wednesday and MJ got her first ashes! It was very special and fun to share this with my daughter... now if only I could get her to give up the bottle for LENT!
Today PopPops nap happend to be at the same time as MJ's today so she got some co-sleeping cuddle time with him... (with Granmama hovering near bye while Mommy got some work done)
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Getting started...
I am very excited to start this blog, so I can chronicle my thoughts, hopes, dreams, and prayers for my daughter. I am starting slowly and in the present. I want to go back and post some journal entries I wrote while pregnant, about giving birth, and while my daughter was still in the hospital, but emotionally I am not ready to go through all of it again. I was barely ready to go through it the first time! :) But God and a very supportive family got me through it and continues to help me daily...
Last night 2/24/09 Maryjayne rolled over (purposefully) for the first time! Her Grandma and PopPop both were in the room with me and saw. She and I had just returned from a cooking class about canning and I had laced her on her snuggly pink and green frog blanket her Great Aunt Joyce had made her so I could get my Dad (PopPop) some sweet treats. Lent starts today and we were going to pig out last night! I set up her simple (black and white) picture books around her and I guess she really liked the bunny pictures because she rolled over to see it better rather then just switching head positions! Yeah MJ!!!
Also we got our first letter from her Daddy yesterday (he was recently incarcerated for something he did a long long time ago). He is in ASPC- Douglas. I will go more into this later when my spirit is up to it! I will say she has a Daddy who loved her very very much and did something wrong a long time ago. He turned himself in when we found out the state had reopened the charges, because we both believe that we need to be the best example we can for our daughter and it might have been easier on all of us for him to have evaded, but it would not set the moral example we want to set. It is a cross the entire family is bearing including my parents... We pray every night for other families in our situation and hope they too can find strength in the Lord.
Last night 2/24/09 Maryjayne rolled over (purposefully) for the first time! Her Grandma and PopPop both were in the room with me and saw. She and I had just returned from a cooking class about canning and I had laced her on her snuggly pink and green frog blanket her Great Aunt Joyce had made her so I could get my Dad (PopPop) some sweet treats. Lent starts today and we were going to pig out last night! I set up her simple (black and white) picture books around her and I guess she really liked the bunny pictures because she rolled over to see it better rather then just switching head positions! Yeah MJ!!!
Also we got our first letter from her Daddy yesterday (he was recently incarcerated for something he did a long long time ago). He is in ASPC- Douglas. I will go more into this later when my spirit is up to it! I will say she has a Daddy who loved her very very much and did something wrong a long time ago. He turned himself in when we found out the state had reopened the charges, because we both believe that we need to be the best example we can for our daughter and it might have been easier on all of us for him to have evaded, but it would not set the moral example we want to set. It is a cross the entire family is bearing including my parents... We pray every night for other families in our situation and hope they too can find strength in the Lord.
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